The Adventures of the Nordics
by SpanishMonkeys
Summary: CRACK. That is all.
1. Chapter 1

Norway sighed. He didn't like the fact that bananas are so big, and they reminded him of Denmark. Wait what?

There was an awkward silence as soon as the Nordics found out that Sweden sings like Christina Aguilera.

Denmark was twerking to some random girl he found on the street that was wearing a bear hat, who was actually PewDiePie, so Sweden murdered Denmark into oblivious death. Lol.

Iceland twitched when licorice came into his sight. He went crazy and latched his mouth to the back of Finland's head and drooled. Because he would would catch a grenade for him.

Finland was frozen is shock. Iceland was drooling on the back of his head, his muffled shouts confessing his undying love for him.

Denmark was now in heaven, with flying potatoes, and God looked like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Sweden was having a foursome with a bunch of girls in Social class who can't stop laughing.

Iceland is now lying in a pool of blood.

Finland has an AK-47 and was panting. He shivered, a wild look in his eyes. "SWEDEN ALWAYS TOPS!" he shouted in his fit of rage.

Norway was now throwing bananas out the window, while Mr. Puffin screamed out mercy, because a dragon ate a pomegranate.

Sweden dissected a human body and was now having a rave party of blood. The body, whose name was Sven, was waving his hands around a retard that ate too much pink.

Denmark was reincarnated as a flower that screamed "I AM THE KING!" whenever someone sniffed it while holding a microscope.

Iceland had not died, but went to his own mental world of sugar plum fairies, while he wondered what sugar plums actually were.

Finland was reading. He had read for four hours straight, and he was so tired, he decided to make a sandwich.

Denmark had turned back into his normal self, and was hitting on girls. He hit on them so hard, they crumpled to the ground in throes of ecstasy.

A/N: So, that's it. I don't even know. Tell me if you want more!

Thnx,

SpanishMonkeys


	2. Chapter 2

Norway had gone looking for Iceland. Iceland had not yet called him big brother.

Iceland was hiding behind the couch. He was hiding because of Norway, who was muttering about how they shouldn't be here, that they're always watching, and that they've found him.

Sweden thought Norway was going to get Iceland to call him little brother. Sweden thought everyone should call him The One Who Eats A Crap Ton Of Meatballs. (heh heh)

Finland had made a sandwich inside a sandwich, inside a sandwich, inside a sandwich, inside his dentist office.

As soon as the girls died, it started raining boots all over Copenhagen. Denmark didn't think he could eat another candy rabbit.

Sweden was in Copenhagen, raving like a boss. All of a sudden, a boot hit him on the head.

Norway stood in the house, staring at Sweden, who thought he was Rainbow Dash.

Iceland was hiding in the closet, playing with his dolls he named Marie Antoinette and Weird Al Yankovic.

Finland was chasing a herd of reindeer, in a Chariot of Fire.

Sweden was dancing to a song all the way from the Highlands, complete with a kilt and everything.

Denmark shouted in excitement as a Flying Mint Bunny exploded into a thousand tiny fingers and rained down on him.

Norway jumped off a cliff, supported by the wind, what whispered "I am a cow that died in a hole filled to the brim with flamethrowers that ate iPods for breakfast."

Finland's Chariot of Fire had tipped over and died because a tub of lard was sprawled over the top. Said tub of lard was Iceland.

The reason Iceland had become a tub of lard was because the Cheshire cat frowned at him, then danced the Macarena.

Denmark was standing in the corner of the social class room, watching two girls harass the girl writing this. These were also the girls that Sweden had a foursome with.

Sweden had joined Iceland as another tub of lard, and was clogging Finland's sinuses.

Norway wanted to join the tub of lard party too, but couldn't because Loki had said that he likes pickles that were pickled in pickled cucumbers that were blue.

Iceland couldn't move. He was not a tub of lard anymore, but was in a nurse costume, tied down to the top of Norway's brand new Mitsubishi, while the fangirls screamed kinky shit to him.

Finland believed he was a cow, and one of his arms stretched around the world as he shouted "EVERYONE GOES TO LUL!"

Denmark was singing a song for Norway. "Cluck. Goes the chicken." he waved his hands. "And that's how they do it on Broadway."

A/N: You guys wanted it, so here it is! I'm probably going to post more. I'm having way too much fun writing this.

Thnx,

SpanishMonk


	3. Chapter 3

Finland was in the hospital, his one stretched out arm filling up the room he was in, suffocating the other patients.

As Sweden heard of Finland's predicament, he told the author, but the author already scared herself by writing that last paragraph.

Iceland went to Finland's room in the hospital, and almost got killed, but Iceland healed him by chanting the Cootie Revival Spell.

Norway sued Iceland for stealing one of his spells without permission. He didn't care if Denmark turned into a penguin.

Denmark had not turned into a penguin, but was battling a can of beer in a fight of MASS DESTRUCTION.

Sweden was now playing the piano and was so good at it, he flew away with the piano and flapped their pink angel wings with Spanish glory.

Norway was in the basement. He wanted to cast a spell on Denmark for being a kayak.

Dmnerak, bcsuae of Nraowy's slpel, cluod olny tlak lkie tihs. He was wdnorenig why eeyrvnoe cluod sitll raed tihs.

Iceland had donned a white lab coat and was going on a scientific rant about the reason you could still read the above paragraph was because the brain does not read each individual letter, but the word as a whole. As long as the first and last letter are in place, you can read it just as easily. And, Iceland will also have you know that he declares you null and void in his borders.

Finland paced up and down in front of the author, passionately spouting whatever came to mind to let off his anger of something we will never know. "The authority of the government of Canada comes from the will of the people! I hereby withdraw that will, and therefore remove your authority. And since I've removed your authority, you have no authority to question my authority to remove your authority. And after all, to be or not to be is the question, whether to take arms against a sea of troubles! Furthermore, the square root of x2 is x, and Don John should never be confused with John Donne, as opposed to John Adams, John Quincy Adams, John Marshall, John Smith, and Abraham Lincoln. And do you realize that Mark is the shortest gospel, and that the capital of Belice is Belmopan? And do you further realize that Mr. Spock has a last name, though few people are aware of it, four score and seven years ago, desktop publishing has nothing to do with publishing desks, and—and—and lactic acid!"

Iceland stared at Finland. He seemed to have another bout of affection for him. Then he wondered if anyone legitimately ships this pairing. He shrugged. He just wanted his lovely purple spotted sugar honey back.

Norway, having casted his spell on Denmark, felt relieved. He could now go to the Pit of Maui so he could finally have a rave of the dreaded Pink with Abraham Lincoln.

Finland was running away from Iceland, who was throwing grenades at him, screaming his love to the world. Finland just wanted to go back home to his giant koala-eating blue apple.

Iceland, Finland, Norway, and Denmark heard loud banging and yelling coming from the kitchen. When they walked in, they found Sweden throwing food and utensils around, yelling in Svenglish. Nobody knew what to do. Apparently, Sweden's brain disappeared.

Denmark left the kitchen to go meditate. He sat on his bed and exhaled. He thought of things that relaxed him: fresh air, the ocean, sailing, and Sweden dancing in a pink dress.

A/N: This chapter was pretty hard to do. I kept losing inspiration. ... Now that I think about it, I don't even think I use inspiration for this. Oh well.

Thnx,

SpanishMonkeys


	4. Chapter 4

Denmark decided to go fishing. He went out on the ocean and cast out his rod. He felt something tug. He pulled, but whatever was on the line was stronger. It managed to pull him out of the boat, and flipped him upside down as he flew to Narnia. The fish on the rod happened to be Norway.

The reason Norway was in the ocean was because he had climbed to the top of Mount Everest and squealed like a fangirl at the pink cotton-candy clouds.

Finland just had gotten squashed by a giant flying toaster.

The toaster was in fact commanded by Sweden. He was being possessed by two people: the author, and Loki, whom the author now has an ongoing obsession about him.

Iceland stood in front of the Statue of Liberty, laughing maniacally. He had just locked America inside, because only he could hear the rabbits.

Sweden ran. He ran at top speed, the crowd making way for him like water in front of a boat. Sweden was chasing his brain, which instead of Sweden being its master, it wanted Denmark to.

Denmark was just hanging out with his best bud, Big Mac, when a brain suddenly flew out of nowhere and hit him on the head, overtaking his original brain. Like a boss. A llama boss.

Iceland was back in Iceland. But Iceland didn't like Iceland, so Iceland Icelanded the Iceland in the Iceland's Icelander. Because Iceland.

Norway was in his room. He was wearing a dress, and throwing glitter all over the place. His usual poker face melted away, replaced by an expression of pure joy, as he let his inner moe out.

Finland stood in front of a tree. This tree had, in fact, a normal elephant perched delicately on one of the flimsier branches. "I am burdened with glorious purses," it said. And it was true. Handbags of every size, shape, and colour hung from the elephant.

Denmark stared blankly at the rest of the Nordics. He didn't know why he felt this way. He felt like Sweden for some reason. Everyone cringed and shuffled away in fright at his gaze. Then he realized: this was perfect. He could finally pet his Russian unicorn that ate rainbows and Nyan Cats while it flew around the Principality of Loluweeya. Lol.

Nowraya cotlsb'd unsetsnad why no k e cotld ever reaud this, ur just looked so borlanl to hom. Maybe gou'ew jist not a very undetsnd peron who can't speak a language to save their life.

Sweden had no brain. He jumped around the kitchen shouting "Bork bork!" He was instantly moved to the Intensive Care Unit For The Last Of Us.

Iceland. He just didn't know. El hombre. Con el sombrero. Nos envio. Muy macho. Uno. Tres. Ocho. Quatro. Over 9000. Hola. Bien, gracias.

Finland went home, dressed as a llama. He ran around the house, screaming about violins and people exploding.

A/N: ...…

Thnx,

SpanishMonkeys


	5. Chapter 5

Iceland was standing in front of Norway. He was fed up. He threatened Norway that Iceland himself will look through his window while he's asleep and command his army of Puffins to kidnap him while singing "Follow the Yellow Brick Road."

Sweden's brain still hadn't returned. He just felt empty. He wasn't aware of anything going on. No sound, sight, or feeling registered. He didn't know if he was doing anything. He just felt empty, surrounded by blank darkness. He didn't know what his name was, nor what he looked like. The only thing in existence was the blackness.

Finland stared at Sweden. He was staring blankly at Finland, and was drooling everywhere. Finland needed his clarinet. NOW.

Denmark stood in the bustling crowd of Stockholm. He felt like this was his home. He belonged here. Everyone ran away when he locked eyes, though. Then he collapsed as his brain flew out of his head.

Norway stood on a hill covered with candy cane flowers. He craned his neck backwards like an owl to watch a brain fly past. He momentarily broke the fourth wall yet again as he wondered if the author was even partially sane.

Sweden's brain had now found its way back into his head, and so Sweden was now aware of everything going on. He suddenly had a very strong urge to spontaneously combust while eating pandas.

Denmark's brain was also back to normal. He didn't want to spontaneously combust, though. He just wanted to sleep.

Norway stared at the sleeping Denmark. He dragged the spiky-haired nation over to the basement door and kicked him down the stairs, screaming about Sparta.

Finland gazed up at the aurora. It suddenly reached down to him and turned him into a bear.

Iceland jumped into a volcano. It erupted at that opportune moment, launching Iceland into the air. He could finally fly with the puffins and the potatoes that absorb cleaning supplies and flying squirrels.

Sweden was just in the middle of eating pandas when George Washington flew in, singing about how he wants to break free. Sweden glared at the former president for interrupting his party. Mr. Washington spontaneously combusted.

Finland, as bear, wanted to fling his hat across the room, because he couldn't take it anymore, and he was sure Corpse Bride was referenced earlier. Maybe he just filled that hole with Denmark's remains too much.

The reason Denmark had remains in the first place was that Norway didn't do a very good job of placing him in the middle of a magic carpet that was actually a borderline retarded chameleon.

The reason Norway didn't do a very good job was because he was distracted by watching Iceland through his bedroom window. What Iceland was doing, the author will not describe.

Iceland, in fact, was not doing what you thought he was doing. He declares that you have a sick mind.

A/N: Filler and retarded chapter is filler and retarded.

Thnx,

SpanishMonkeys


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